Farewell, Dear Friend, May We Meet Again on a Fairer Shore

I'm normally against such open over-sharing on the internet, but in this case, I think I need to say what's on my mind. I think I need to be more open for this one subject, but I have a specific intent in mind, which I'll explain at the end.

My Dear Friend

Those that have read She Goes to War may recall the introduction, in which I spoke of the friend that talked me into writing a novel set in Vietnam, during the Vietnam War. Mr. U, as I called him in that volume, to avoid sharing his name, had finally been ready to talk about his time there and we spoke at length about it, including the nitty gritty and often uncomfortable details.

We made a novel together and it became a tool he could use to face his demons whenever he needed to. He told me I'd captured the feeling of being on the ground in the jungles rather well, to the point it triggered flashbacks, but he endured them to help me finish the novel. I think it helped him to face things on his own terms, at a time of his choosing, rather than whenever his PTSD wanted to rear its ugly head.

I know it was difficult for him, but the process of helping me write that novel did seem to heal him to a certain degree and there was a change in him. There was greater light in his life from that point on. It was an honor and a privilege to help him heal.

He Changed Me

Mr. U had a profound impact on my life and my writing. He encouraged me to write more and put my whole life into it for the past four years. I'm forever changed by his influence in my life and I can't thank him enough.

We were closer than I thought two friends could ever be. We were more than brothers to each other. He was often like a father to me and he loved me like a son. However, I find all of these words insufficient: brother, father, son, friend. They're hollow and somehow not quite accurate compared to our true feelings on the matter, because English doesn't have a word for it, which is a startling realization for a writer.

I've never been so profoundly affected by a relationship of any kind and we talked about everything, including our troubles with relationships with women, my divorce, my ex-wife and our families. No subject was forbidden between us and the only boundaries we set were merely a matter of comfort. Those boundaries were fairly loose and mostly a matter of me not wanting to hear about gory stuff, but yet, we would talk about even those things from his time in war or as a cop, if Mr. U had to get something off his chest.

At one point, he was considering moving, to be closer to family, and during that time, I made up my mind: where Mr. U went, I would follow. I wasn't sure how I would make that possible, but I'm sure we would have crossed that bridge together, if it came up. In the end, he decided it was too much hassle, at least at his age and with his health issues.

What Happened?

On June 27, 2025, I went to Mr. U's house to clean for him, as I've been doing for at least a year and a half. He was dead and that was a hard thing, but he'd mentally prepared me for that, because he was old and knew how poor his health was. I'm grateful we discussed that ahead of time, or it would have been harder than it already has been.

I'd hoped for at least another few years with my best friend, but I'm glad I told him how much I loved him, multiple times. I'm grateful I told him the last time I saw him. I'm grateful I felt the need to say it just a couple days before he passed.

I'm grateful I opened up to him about my life and I'm grateful he opened up to me, in turn. I'm grateful we shared each other's pain. I'm glad we lightened each other's burdens like that.

Where I Cannot Follow

Mr. U, I would have followed you to the moon, the stars and anywhere you chose to go. I would have walked on live coals for you and would have done so gladly. This time, I can't follow, because my work is not finished and for the time being, our bodies may be separate, though your spirit is surely near.

My friend, I trust you to go on ahead and prepare the way for me, while I use the lessons I learned from you to embrace life with greater verve. I trust you to be there when my time comes, probably in thirty to forty years. That will be the most joyous of reunions, with many tears and a hug.

I love you and I will never forget you. I will remember the things you taught me and I will stand a little taller, because you were part of my life.

Farewell, dear friend, may we meet again on fairer shores, in the kingdom of our God!

To All of You

Life is too short, too frail, and there isn't enough time. Do not waste the precious moments.

Tell the people you love how much you love them. Do it now and keep telling them, every day, as often as you can.

I'm grateful that I told Mr. U how much I love him and I'm glad to say I have no regrets in that regard.

Don't wait to speak your feelings to your husbands, wives, children, sisters, brothers, parents, cousins and even friends. Live your life without regrets and be prepared for the day your ticket to the afterlife will be punched, because you never know when that might happen.

Try to be more forgiving, because life is too short for grudges, but don't let people walk all over you, either. It's okay to forgive, but to remember when someone has proven they're not going to change. Protect yourself as required, but try to forgive, at least for your own sake.

We're all children of God and the work of his hands. Try to remember that, even when people are difficult. I'll never forget hammering that point home with Mr. U, in regards to French people, who he didn't like. The look on his face when he confronted the idea that they're children of God was absolutely priceless, one of those moments I will never forget, because that was the funniest thing I've ever seen! I'll never forget the change in his attitude after that, nor the way he thanked me for challenging him to grow and embrace what Jesus would do.

In short, be more authentic with others and especially with yourself. Embrace growth and look to the future with gladness. I'm glad I met Mr. U and I will cherish the time I had with him, just as I will cherish the time I have with everyone I love.

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