Rowley's Roar #3

For today's blog post, one of the fictional characters from my novels will be sharing a few messages. No, I'm not going crazy. I'm just having a little fun with writing from the perspective of one of my characters, to explain her music.

Without further adieu, please once again welcome Captain Edwina "Roaring" Rowley, who shall be taking a moment to explain another song from an album we're compiling.

The Offer (Can't Refuse)

Hello there, little itches.

Today, I'll start with a little recap, because the previous song, Mythril Guitar, also known as Outcast, dovetails straight into today's piece, The Offer (Can't Refuse).

There I was, on the run from The Order of Newts, with Matron Talbot's personal ship hot on my heels, because she was real mad I'd built my mythril guitar, despite her orders to the contrary. Even worse, my guitar's roar had woken and angered every witch within a hundred miles of her first performance, so there was a whole fleet of pissed-off witches that wanted me dead.

Totally not my fault, of course. It's just their way, stomping out anyone that's dares to be different, particularly the old bat in charge, who was always real inflexible. Honestly, why all the trouble over one little guitar?

We ran the engines as hard as we dared and even deployed the light sails, for extra thrust, but Matron Talbot was so overcome with rage, her fleet did the very same.

It's not a safe thing to do, pushing a ship so hard, but knowing we had no better option, my dear old boss and I threw every bit of magic we could spare into enhancing propulsion. In the end, we even suspended artificial gravity, to get a little more oomph out of the spell-core.

Unfortunately, it wasn't enough, because Talbot's ship had more witches on board and with all of them focused on forward thrust, we had mere days to run, before they would inevitably reach weapon's range and let me tell you, it was obvious the old bat didn't intend to be merciful.

I tried bone-transduction, to talk her down, but she'd put a protective spell around her ship, to block it. I have no idea how she did that, because I've never seen anything that can block that magic, before or since, but never count down a ticked-off old witch that's steeped in guile, even if she's a cracked old bat.

In the end, my friend and I looked at options, ranging from a half-crazed gravity slingshot maneuver using the mass of Junas to fling us into deep space, but without months of food on hand, that would have been suicide.

In the end, we settled on a terrible and awful option: we changed course to run straight for Nuva (the moon, not the Goddess), the very heart of pirate territory, which the Dead Queen calls home.

I've always found it strange that the mortuary world is in pirate territory, but the pirates have never interfered with the death barges, allowing proper burial of those that die in space, without turning every world into a cemetery. Those same ships even carry visitors that wish to visit the graves of family, back and forth, but never harassed.

I thought it would be a good bluff, because I knew how much the Matron fears the Dead Queen. No other had ever openly fought The Order of Newts and won. No other was so quick to inspire terror in the heart of Matron Talbot. I'd even heard her speak in hushed tones about the odds of success against that monster, if the Order went all out and the Matron didn't like her chances, considering it no better than thirty percent chance of success, though the cost would be incredibly high, leaving the Order weakened for centuries to come, even with success.

Matron Talbot followed me into pirate space, which should tell you exactly how enraged the old bat was. She was willing to risk going to war with the pirates, just to kill little old me. In a strange and back-handed way, that's quite the compliment. On the other, it also meant the Matron had checked her sanity at the door.

And on we ran, until I looked back, then laughed and shouted, "She's slowing down! It worked!"

My friend, still looking forward, shook her head and muttered, "Yeah, but I don't think you're gonna like the reason."

I looked and I didn't like it. There, coming around the horizon of Nuva was the mother of all pirate ships, Foundation Stone, a flying mountain of solid granite eight miles across!

I'd caught the personal attention of the Dead Queen, which is not something the average witch can survive. I turned aside, to consider my options.

Looking one way at certain death, then the other, to an uncertain fate, I chose life. I reduced engine power and allowed my ship to be captured, in the hopes of living through the day.

In the end, we were taken and dragged before the pirate Queen, forced to kneel as she took our measure, from behind, as was her way.

I spoke more fluidly and skillfully than ever before, spurred on by imminent death, begging for our lives. I even offered to entertain the Queen and a battered, old guitar was pressed into my hands.

Without seeing my host, I strummed my heart out and bore my soul to the Queen in song, holding nothing back. I sang Twinkle and Spin for her, putting all the emotion of my heart into it.

When I was done, I related the story of constructing my mythril guitar, followed by fleeing into space.

The Queen laughed for close to ten minutes, until her voice was hoarse and she coughed up some blood. That's when she stepped into view and the nature of her title fully sunk into my mind: she was a walking corpse, having magically bonded her soul to her bones, that she might last beyond death. It wasn't much of a surprise, since her crew were also undead.

She smiled at me and made the offer I knew I couldn't refuse: "I'm always in need of good lieutenants and I've never seen anyone upset a Matron of the Order quite so much, aside from me. That has endeared you to me and purchased a stay of execution.

"If you perform well in my service, you may purchase another. Fail and I will consume your soul."

What can a desperate girl say to that? I took the job and the Queen gave me wealth beyond imagining, to construct a battleship of my very own, but that's a story for another song...

Here's The Offer (Can't Refuse) for your enjoyment:

Here's a link to the MP3 file, if you'd like to download it.

The Offer (Can't Refuse) is copyright 2026, Owen Tyme, all rights reserved, but free for your personal enjoyment. Lyrics by Owen Tyme, music generated by ACE-Step 1.5. E-mail me if you want to use it for something else.

Tags: audio, music, roaring-rowley